There is a new place to watch all of your favorite local violence, as Pittsburgh Public Schools launched a new streaming service. Customers can now view all of the fights and any other incidents of violence that take place across the massive empire of the Pittsburgh Public Schools. 

The streaming service, known as Pittsburgh Public Slaps (PPSlaps), features wrestling, punching, kicking and all out brawls that locals know and love. 

“It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day at PPS,” the district announced outside PPS’ headquarters. “We are in a time and space where we need to make changes on how we do things here.” 

While many presumed that their statement indicated they would attempt to stop the violence, PPS quickly stopped that idea in its tracks: “No no, we tried that. It clearly didn’t work. So instead, we’re just gonna monetize the violence.” 

Such a service brings in some much needed revenue to PPS, they added. 

A PPS representative agreed, saying, “When you walk into our luxurious and state-of-the-art facilities, if you can get past all the fighting, you might notice that our buildings aren’t exactly as nice as they once were.”

The representative conceded that the metrics of the 1930s that PPS uses to assess the strength of the buildings might just be just the slightest out of date. 

Once the footage makes its way to PPSlaps, paying customers can sit back, relax, and watch the very best the American education system has to offer. Representatives for PPSlaps say that the service must succeed for the good of the district.

Succeed, it does. The videos spread like wildfire across the country, accumulating millions of views within hours of release. 

Advocates for the service are optimistic that they can compete with worldwide platforms long term. While many see that goal as lofty, PPSlaps’s “deal-of-the-century price” of $99.99 a week (with only an extra $9.99 charge per fight) will make them competitive. 

The site will also be equipped with PPSlaps+ in the coming weeks. There, videos can be streamed in HD. The huge upgrade is available for only an extra $29.99 a day. 

If enough customers buy in, that is a lot of Cuba trips!

PPS officials assure students and parents that money left over from trips down south and luxurious hotel stays is going directly to improving the PPS facilities.  “All the money remaining after we’ve had the time of our lives will go directly to improving the quality of education we provide to our students,” the representative said. 

A spokesperson for PPS predicted about $7 will remain for improvements. PPSlaps, expect great things from this service. Sign up today!