It’s been nearly four years since Joe Biden’s election to office and as election season rears its ugly head once again, the question on everyone’s mind is who to vote for. There are so many amazing candidates; it’s hard to settle on just one. And if anyone were to have insight into what decision to make, it would be the well-educated teachers of Allderdice. That’s why we, at the Backword, have asked Allderdice teachers who they’re voting for. After much research and investigation, Allderdice teachers have finally made their decisions. Hopefully knowing whom our wonderful educators are picking in this election will help inform your own decision this November.
Big Bad Brad, 9th-grade civics teacher, has decided to vote for current U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris in the hopes of making her the first female president of the United States. Big Bad Brad states that his decision was warranted due to his desire to have a “strong, intelligent, woman of color in office.” Similarly, McFelon has also decided to vote for a woman in this election; she finds Alexis McGill Johnson (head of Planned Parenthood) to be most in line with her personal beliefs. Ms. Castrate, also wanting to support a female presidential candidate, decided on Candace Owens.
Unsurprisingly, Mr. Narc-er has chosen his favorite journalist from whom he obtains most of his political information, Tucker Carlson. Mr. Narc-er says, “I just feel like Tucker is a great representation of what I want to see in politics. And best of all, he’s a man!” Mr. Narc-er’s outspoken conservatism has caused a rift in his relationship with Big Bad Brad. They were overheard arguing in the 3rd-floor bathroom about their differing political views with Mr. Narc-er calling Big Bad Brad a “snowflake liberal”, and Big Bad Brad responding by slapping Mr. Narc-er. This argument quickly devolved into a fistfight with teachers on the 3rd floor running out of their classrooms to try and record the fight. Allderdice has had issues with physical altercations between teachers in the past, especially involving Big Bad Brad. Fortunately, however, one student managed to break the two up resulting in Big Bad Brad and Mr. Narc-er being put on unpaid leave.
One selection did come as a surprise and this was that of Stressman. He wrote “Jesus” as his candidate of choice. Now we don’t exactly know what he meant by this; Was it a misspelling? Did he not realize he was voting for the United States president? Just like Stressman, Sensei-Cuda had his own religious reasons backing his vote for Neil Degrasse Tyson, a world-renowned astrophysicist. Interestingly enough, Sensei-Cuda’s decision was however not based on Tyson’s extensive education and knowledge about science and world affairs, but instead based on his religious standing. After an interview with Sensei-Cuda, we found that his decision was due to Tyson’s agnostic views. Still, it comes as no surprise that Sensei-Cuda would vote for him. Unfortunately, Stressman’s decision also came with considerable backlash from Sensei-Cuda. Sensei-Cuda says “Stressman just threw away his vote. I can’t believe he would waste his vote on a fictional character!”
Ms. Morocco often tries to distance herself from politics, but this year, seeing the unstable political climate, she finally decided to vote for the first time in her life for Ben Shapiro (famous right-wing podcaster).
Next, to Profé Not-Lit’s dismay, election day falls on a Tuesday, and wanting to minimize the risk of potentially having to be absent from work (even if just for an hour) she decided to completely forgo voting. Ms. Hollerin’ also decided not to vote. She is known to be very apolitical, and overall not knowledgeable about her civic responsibilities. So, it did not come as a shock when she again decided not to use her voice in this election as well.
Hopefully, this insight into the teachers’ decisions will help inspire Allderdice students and staff to vote in the 2024 election.
