The Student News Site of Allderdice High School

The Foreword

Allderdice Updates
The Student News Site of Allderdice High School

The Foreword

The Student News Site of Allderdice High School

The Foreword

Flippin’ Dice

In recent news, according to the press relations office of Dice Home TV, Jonathan and Drew Scott of Property Brothers are bringing to Pittsburgh a new rendition of the smash hit TV show, called “Flipping across America.” But, ditching the previous premise of transnational renovation projects, the showrunners have decided to narrow down the scope due to financial concerns. So much so, as to have chosen Allderdice High School for its setting. 

The new show will feature many notable Dicers such as Mrs. Hollerin’, Mr. HighSaac and Mrs. Castrate but the hosts of the series are two notable newcomers to the flipping scene.

Saul Stressman and Paul Saltenbrand, social studies teachers at Pittsburgh Allderdice, have been contracted by HGTV to host this new series and help fix some of Pittsburgh’s most undesirable properties. From the fourth-floor culinary arts room to the gym locker rooms, the pair will be making dreams come true.

The dynamic duo, although relatively new to the flipping scene, got their start close to home, after the two embarked on their first adventure after flipping the Allderdice third-floor boy’s bathroom and installing new urinal dividers, baccarat tables and slot machines at the behest of the Principal who requested the renovation after frequent complaints surrounding the “lack of things to do” in the bathroom. One student was quoted as saying, as he followed a puff of smoke and twenty other people out of the bathroom, that, “Before all you could do in there was smoke and take a piss, but thanks to Paul and Saul its never been better.”

The pilot episode for the series, set to be aired sometime at the beginning of April, will, according to the Backword’s sources, be set in the second-floor library with Mrs. Sisters and Mr. Huffer as special guests. With a complete makeover being planned for the little-used space, our sources say that the flippers aim to turn the library from drab to fab, with a barbeque pit, inground pool, and even a waterslide. 

According to our source, these renovations will, “Give the kids in the library skipping class something else to do other than awkwardly sit at the metal tables in the back of the room and make out like freaks!”

With funding issues being the original impetus for the downsizing of the original show, many wonder whether or not finances would be an issue, especially with the elaborate scale advertised by the showrunners.  After releasing a short statement responding to these concerns, the hosts assuaged many fears.

“Although in previous years, budgeting has proven to be an issue for us, we hope that by using the money we are gathering through our partnership with Sarris Candies we will be able to provide our audience with not only the content they want to see but the candy they want to eat as well.”

If the reader would like to contribute to the show’s effort and/or get themselves a sweet treat, the Backword would recommend dropping by Mr. Stressman’s room and purchasing one of the three kinds of chocolate edibles for sale, or even their famous chocolate-dipped, lead tipped pencils. If you like Allderdice fountain water, this flavor may be your favorite. With all that he and Saltenbrand have to offer, you’ll be sure to find your fancy, and who knows? If you pitch in enough cash maybe they’ll throw in a free renovation or two, to a room of your choice! 

For more updates, keep your ear to the wall of Mr. Stressman’s fifth-period class, where you’ll be able to hear more updates.

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