Two local Spanish teachers were found in the Pittsburgh Airport dazed and confused, both wearing only an Allderdice t-shirt with either birkenstocks or flip flops. Police are reporting this incident as the “The Wizard of Oz Case.” Just like Dorothy, they had the power to get back home all along. When they asked them how their trip took such a dreadful turn they were met with an odd answer which was, “We did not know the language.” The Captain of the Pittsburgh Police Department states that he was left “confused,” and “bewildered” by this answer. He said, “Of course, not knowing a language in a foreign country is a challenge, however with modern technology and apps like google translate, getting around a foreign country is actually quite easy.”

After further investigation, the police got a statement from the teacher’s doctor, Dr. McBigBoy. It turns out that both of these teachers are diagnosed with a rare yet severe case of Google Translatephobia. “Although the cases of this are not very common, they are overwhelmingly intense when one has it. This causes you to have a crippling fear of translating words into other languages, and in extreme cases a side effect of it is pushing this fear onto the younger generation. Therefore, not only are they afraid of google translate, they try to make others afraid of it as well.”

Many of their students were asked to comment on this bizarre story. One junior student stated that, “One day we were doing a project and I mistakenly stapled my finger. It hurt so badly, and I ended up needing stitches. When I went up to him with the staple in my finger crying for help, his only response was, ‘No Ingles!’” Another student said, “She sometimes goes off on rampages. She will sit us down and ramble about the dangers of google translate for the entire  period. It is pretty terrifying. You do not want to be around her when she has an episode. One day she implied that the use of google translate can even give you herpes.” 

Dr. McBigBoy states that they are still working on a cure, but for now there are exercises that they both can do to help, such as entering one word into google translate a day. “It is important to build up tolerance. Baby steps are crucial when it comes to a case as severe as this one.” He commented, “It’s just important that we keep a close eye on them to make sure they don’t put themselves or others in danger. Obviously we messed up on this recent situation, but now we are extra careful to keep them under closer observation.”

From what the police could gather from their statement, when they landed in France, all alone, neither of them could not get a cab or ask anyone for help. They couldn’t get water or food due to the language barrier and their refusal to use translating apps. They couldn’t even ask to go to the bathroom. This made for a very uncomfortable twenty-four hours. Eventually a security guard noticed them, and got them onto the quickest flight back to America. When they got back, they both immediately passed out from the stress and exhaustion. 

“We are desperately trying to find a cure to make Google Translatephobia less ravaging, but it is very challenging,” says their doctor. They are recovering. When asked questions for this story, they both consistently responded with “En Espanol! En Espanol! ” causing this report to be a couple months late.