Each year, Allderdice sends many academically gifted students to the world’s finest higher education institutions. An education from such universities promises a future of financial success and socio-economic superiority. Recently, gaining admission to such universities has become increasingly more difficult. Institutions no longer care for only exceptional grades and SAT scores. Now, admirable character and demonstrated engagement outside the classroom are required to have a chance at receiving the “golden ticket.” The benefits of this are, clearly, numerous: wealthy, privileged students make a difference in their community and, simultaneously, lay the foundation for a prosperous future for themselves. 

Arguably the most well-known and beloved student-created and student-run club here at Allderdice is the For the Children Fund. The club began at Allderdice but has found success worldwide, residing in high schools in every continent. The message is simple: “create a better world for the children.” The weekly meetings consist of discussion of how to benefit “the children.” The club has raised millions of dollars to benefit this important and underfunded cause. 

When asked how he was able to raise such a significant amount of funds in such a short span of time, the student founder and CEO of For the Children Fund® responded, “My parents gave the first million, but after that, it was up to me. I had to reach out to their rich friends. I had to make a gofundme page. But I want to stress that nothing I do could be accomplished with the amazing team of student social-justice warriors around me.” 

When asked where and to whom the money will benefit directly, the student simply responded, with tears in his eyes, “the children.” “Everything I do,” he continues, “I do for them.”

He added, “But my work does not only benefit them [the children]. I learned that there are kids all over the world who do not have the kind of generational-wealth that my family has accumulated. It really has been an enlightening and humbling experience.”

Allderdice teachers cannot help but sing the student’s praises: “We are filled with immense pride and joy that a Dice Dragon would take such a deep interest in the larger world around him and find commonality with children of different backgrounds, cultures, races and religions. In the face of an unprecedented rise in bigotry in the nation’s political discourse, his white, male, cisgender voice is needed now more than ever.”

Thanks to the Allderdice Alumni Committee, the plan for a statue, made of solid gold, depicting a young child being thrust into the air Lion-King-style by the student, is currently being rendered. It will sit in front of the main steps of Taylor Allderdice High School, a reminder of the school credo: “Know something, do something, be something.” 

The committee exclaims, “This long-term investment in our children’s futures is immeasurable.” 

The Backword is thrilled to exclusively report that For the Children Fund will be dissolved into the United Nations (UN). The For the Children Fund will officially transition into the UN in early June, right after the student graduates high school. The student, who hails from a long line of “Harvard Men,” as his family puts it, was recently accepted into Harvard College. 

A representative for the UN says, “We are thrilled to be taking over the efforts the For the Children Fund began three years ago. We have a great history of advocating and supporting children globally. We owe a great debt to the student leader who graciously agreed to hand over the reins to us.”

“We could not be more proud of our son,” his parents exclaim. 

“This is the right time,” the student said of the club dissolving into the UN. “The UN has access to resources that I simply do not. More importantly, I will be heading to Harvard in the fall and I won’t have time for this shit anymore.”