The entire baseball world is all a buzz about a local Allderdice teacher, Ms. HenC, who now finds herself a highly sought after free agent. Her popularity comes as students say she showed off an incredible ability to pitch after they witnessed her lob a makeshift baseball towards a student.

“The student was the batter, they just didn’t know it then,” she said shortly after the pitch. 

Now, she is faced with the possibility of a career change, with several pro teams reaching out in hopes of recruiting her to their pitching rosters. Despite teachers already being grossly overpaid, Ms. HenC now finds herself in a position to cash in for a big contract.

Ms. HenC did say, however, that she wouldn’t dare think about giving up teaching, leading MLB teams and Allderdice to negotiate as to how she could both teach and play at the same time. 

“An idea we’ve kicked around is simply having her teach the students during the game,” a representative for one team said. “She could be teaching the kids in the bullpen, and when she needs to come in as a relief pitcher, the students can simply set up their desks on the grass around the pitcher’s mound. No one uses that part of the field anyways.”

This situation has led other teachers to hope to hit the lottery in the same way: Dozens of teachers around Allderdice are now trying to showcase their pitching skills.  

“It’s crazy,” a student said. “Teachers just won’t stop throwing stuff.”

The upswing in pitching tryouts have even led to scouts from teams making the journey to the school to see the raw talent first-hand. 

“Random people just show up and encourage teachers to throw objects around the classroom,” a student said of the scouts, as he dodged a marker. 

When asked why the teachers aren’t using baseballs to practice pitching, Allderdice principal Dr. McCoy said, “We simply do not have the funds for such luxuries. So instead, they just throw whatever they can find: markers, erasers, crumpled up paper, printer parts, etc…”

A student journalist who happened to be in the stands while pitches were being thrown reported hundreds of students offering up their “government-issued” laptops to be used in lieu of baseballs. 

The new practices have led to some considerable damage around the school, both in the structure of the building and in individual materials. 

The Backword can also confirm that Allderdice has since reached out to the Pittsburgh Public Schools district and school board, asking for assistance in repairing the damage. The earliest a team can come out to start fixing the damage is 2062, but a spokesperson for PPS said it could be delayed another handful of decades. 

Dr. McCoy also addressed parental concerns about teachers lobbing objects around classrooms. 

“‘We’ve been getting some calls,” he said, “But honestly, I don’t think it should be much of a concern. I mean look, it’s not even close to the most violent thing to happen at Allderdice,” he shrugged, “so to be perfectly candid, it’s pretty low on the list of my priorities.” 

Ultimately, many teachers are vying to become the next Ms. HenC, and classes here at Allderdice have been turned completely upside down. While no one knows for sure if there are any more diamonds in the rough, teachers are more than willing to give it a shot. And all the best to them.  

But, of course, no one will ever be as good as Ms. HenC. 

The Backword ducked three markers, five pencils, six balls of paper, a broken printer, a laptop charger, two staplers, a projector, a backpack, two speakers, four clocks, nine batteries, and an umbrella to get this story.