Almost half a year ago, the Pittsburgh Public School Superintendent, Dr. Ham Omelette, was forced to resign after a series of comical blunders—including a District-sponsored trip to Guantanamo Bay. Due to his resignation, he decided he needed to find a new career.

Dr. Omelette, after fleeing the country due to being indicted for embezzlement, retreated to the only place he could truly call home: Cuba! Currently, he works at the Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp as an educator. On the side, he also coaches the facility’s burgeoning football team, leading them to a Southeastern Prison Conference title. 

The Backword reached out to Dr. Omelette for comment but we could not get a direct statement from the former Superintendent. We reached out to his current attorney who, in a statement, expressed Dr. Omelette’s satisfaction with his current situation and explained why he chose the Guantanamo Bay detention center: “After a long search process, Dr. Omelette finally decided on the Sunny Paradise in Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp. Although there were a few other contenders, like working in the now-defunct Alcatraz Federal Penitentiary, Dr. Omelette thought Guantanamo Bay would be the perfect destination.”

Dr. Omelette is now currently living at the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base, Cuba. According to his attorney, he will be residing there for the foreseeable future.

The Backword would like to wish him good luck in their future endeavors.