Starbucks Employees Spend Mornings At Allderdice

Our local Starbucks. Also known as first period to many of our students!

Our local Starbucks. Also known as “first period” to many of our students!

You might be seeing some new faces in your classes, as sources tell us that employees from the local Starbucks on Murray Avenue are planning on spending their entire mornings here at Allderdice. 

The move comes as swarms of Allderdice students continue to spend the first hours of their day at Starbucks, taking up three quarters of the entire store and only ordering the free plastic cups of water. Their presence has added an unprecedented amount of chaos and hysteria not seen before. 

The presence of Allderdice students has caused multiple Starbucks employees to want to relocate where they spend their mornings, which led to one employee having an ingenious idea. 

“If they come here, we go there,” she said, while simultaneously yelling at a bunch of high schoolers. 

Several employees already have official plans to attend the first four classes of the day as part of their visit, and have had their new school IDs printed to accompany them in their visits. 

Starbucks employee Charles, whose school ID reads as Charlotte, said that the Starbucks employees plan on being just as rambunctious as the students are at the coffee shop, hoping that their revenge plan will coerce the students into backing down and simply staying in school.

Unfortunately for them however, their antics and plan for how to create chaos at the school are going unnoticed. 

“We thought that if we threw drinks on the ground, screamed at the top of our lungs, and fought each other, we would get the students’ attention,” Martha, whose school ID says Marla, said. “But as it turns out, that’s an everyday occurrence here, they aren’t even noticing.”

The students are in fact not noticing at all. A poll taken around Allderdice asked students if they saw anything unusual recently. Despite the employees’ best efforts, every student said no. 

“We’ve tried everything,” Derrick, whose school ID says Todd, said. “I don’t know what else to do at this point.”

Among other things, the employees have tried bringing a dead squid and putting it in a sink, releasing a loose frog, tearing out sinks and urinals, stealing classroom phones, kicking over trash cans, and starting several bathroom brawls. 

“I even lit a toilet on fire!” Charles exclaimed. “An actual fire, and still, not one student bats an eye.”

Some employees have conceded that the effort has lost some steam. Some employees, however, are still determined to get their point across, but it seems as of now that the antics that the Starbucks workers have planned to be disruptive, simply just aren’t enough. You simply can’t out-Allderdice Allderdice.